You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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