why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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