If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
