lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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