Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
