So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
