she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
