Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
