no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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