i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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