mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
