Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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