chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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