Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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