you guys were way drunker than both of me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
