Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
