she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
