Im at strip club and am horny
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
