He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
