Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
