Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we're so committed to being not committed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
