hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
