I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
