I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
