my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
