I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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