do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
