hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
