i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
