Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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