Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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