He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
