I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
