the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
