Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
