Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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