I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
