He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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