You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
