smell my finger.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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