I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Come on in and take your pants off
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