I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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