you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
