I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love accidental penises.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
