Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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