Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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