Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
