Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
