Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
