Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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